Whenever I tell someone what I am currently up to, the conversation always takes the same turn and I am left answering these seven question over and over. Being a bit of sarcastic person I am going to share with you what I say and what I really want to say.
1. From where to where and how long will you be away?
What I say, “On the Continental Divide from Mexico to Canada starting in New Mexico and ending in Glacier national Park, should be gone about 6 months”
What I want to say, “Did you skip the geography classes in school, the Continental Divide, you know the Rockies? That large expanse of Rock jutting up in the middle of the country which ultimately decides if rainfall will wind up in the Atlantic or the Pacific.”
Really I must say this whole leave no child behind program is really doing us all a disservice when it comes to the general public’s grasp of geography.
2. Is your wife going with you?
What I say, “no she is staying behind to work, keep our health insurance intact, care for our pets, and look after things”
What I want to say, “HELL NO she thinks I’m half crazy for wanting to do this, plus 6 months having to go with little showers and pooping in the woods isn’t necessarily her cup of tea, and I can’t say I blame her.”
3. What will you eat?
What I say, “Dehydrated food, dried fruit, nuts, some candy, lots of beans and Backpackers Pantry Meals”
What I want to say, “Squirrels, Chipmunks, grubs, bugs and other things I forage….or as a few friends call the general hiker diet, the gas station snack isle diet”
4. Are you bringing your dog Karluk?
What I say, “Not for this one too long and hard so he is staying home to rest on the couch while I hike”
What I want to say, “You think I would honestly take my black dog on this hike, 750 miles through the desert of NM for that dog would be animal cruelty, not a fun hike, what type of sicko do you take me for?”
5. What about your job?
What I say, “I stated my intention and asked for a leave of absence but instead we decided I should juts go and revisit trading in the fall.”
What I want to say, “What about it?, I told them I wanted a leave of absence but they said no so I resigned, and frankly life is way too short to keep sitting in a cubicle beating your head against the wall. My job is now just being awesome, and I think I am succeeding in every way.”
6. Are you going with anyone?
What I say, “No I am starting with 4 friends and we’ll see how long we stay together from there.”
What I want to say, “Nope I starting with one motley crew of hiker-trash, we have “Sweet Potatoe” who has hiked the AT and
PCT, he also happens to be one fo the funniest people you will ever meet. Then we have “Freefall” My good friend, former pastor, and has his “Triple Crown” of hiking. These two guys are hiking New Mexico with me and then heading back to Portland to enjoy the summer. The rest of the crew is the old boys for the trip, We have “The Greg” a 63-year-old accountant who hiked the PCT in 1995 & 1996, he is in decent shape and should bring some good analytics to our team. Then there is my dear old friend “Big John” who I have known for 20 years. We met in 1996 after my Thru-Hike of the AT and in 2009 and 2010 Suzy and I did his resupplies and support for the PCT. “Big John” is a character tp put it lightly and I think he eccentric ways will keep things interesting all day long, for example he hikes in a sarong that looks like two big bandannas.
7. Are you bringing a gun?
What I say, “No there is no reason to carry gun, in over 7,000 miles of hiking I have never felt a gun would f help a situation and instead just been dead weight, I’ll just get some bear spray when I get to WY.”
What I want to say, “What the hell are you afraid of in life that you think you need a gun to go for a walk? I mean unless you are carrying a 50 cal handgun or a 12 gauge shotgun the only thing a pistol will do is piss off a grizzly. Plus do you really think I would of spent all this time to get my pack weight down to where it is at just to add a gun and add all that weight back into my kit. Man you must be paranoid or never leave your house, the chances of my getting killed crossing the street in Portland by someone texting when they should be driving is more likely than dying while on trail.”
Bonus Question “You do know they make planes don’t you?” This one was my favorite question yet, and was asked by the nurse at my Doctors’ office…..frankly all I could do was chuckle.
So there you have it folks a look into the mind fo “Allgood” time for me to stop dinking around online and go sort gear and clothing for resupplies and bounce boxes, get some other materials printed at the shop and kick “Big John in the butt to get him doing the same. Cheers!